Every once in a while, you get some advice that is completely contrary to what you expect yet is 100% accurate and timely. I got some of this advice from the battalion Sergeant Major when we were returning home from my first deployment to Iraq.
In his address to the battalion as we were getting ready to leave Kuwait and fly back to the United States, he said is that it won’t be nearly as great as you expect. Wait, what won’t be as great? Everything. Everything that you have been thinking for the last year won’t be as great as you are hoping for. You see, he had been around long enough to know that you need to have realist expectations. Food, beer, family, friends, sleep, your motorcycle, all the things young Marines and Docs think about.
If you had unrealistic expectations about the first couple of weeks back at home, it would crush you mentally and emotionally when the reality of life is not living up to unrealistic expectations. Worse was when you coupled unrealistic expectations with the culture shock of leaving a foreign country, leaving the war, leaving structure, and leaving your tribe. Further compounded by coming home to people who had their own unrealistic expectations of who you were, how you would act, and what you should want. It was a pretty hard shock to my system; I wanted to go back to Iraq almost immediately after landing in the US and that didn’t mindset didn’t change for several weeks.
That speech from the Sergeant Major didn’t make sense at the time but shortly after the flight home it was clear I had too great of expectations and his words made sense of the let downs. What I wish would have had was that speech recorded so everyone’s family and friends could have heard it as well. This was because almost all of guys had issues with what was expected of them, and we didn’t realize the speech should have also been told to the people back home.
I say all of this not to say woe is me, but so you can assess what expectations you are making in your life so you don’t set yourself for a crushing mental and emotional defeat. It is also good to be aware unrealistic expectations will be directed at you throughout your life. Understanding this will help you understand why some people get upset at you. Note, this isn’t a pass to treat people like crap. Rather pointing out you and their communication might be lacking.
Let us take Jesus for example, he was rejected by a large portion of the Jewish people and the religious establishments of the day. They were aware that the Messiah was going to come, the issue was that they didn’t have honest and realistic expectations of who he was going to be. Most were expecting a warrior king who would be taking charge of an earthly kingdom. A warrior similar to what many believe the second coming will be, a mighty warrior on a white horse ridding the world of the evils of the devil (there is your clue not to get to set on how you think Jesus’ second coming will look). The Sadducees and Pharisees had a certain idea of who Jesus was “supposed” to be. When he did not live up to these expectations, they rejected him. Talk about a serious screwup.
The Old Sergeant Major might have only been talking about the narrow focus of ending a deployment and surviving the first weekend at home. In reality we should strive to have realistic and honest expectations about everything.
God Bless.
-Joseph
Outpost 95 